crazy love.

it's so incredible. I've never felt so small. It's like the good-side of feeling worthless. at the end of reading chapter one of Crazy Love by Francis Chan, I got slapped in the face with how big God is. I felt so unworthy to be in His presence. But it was like I couldn't get out. It was the best and worst place to be. I just couldn't believe that a God with that much power, and that much.. muchness, is the God I pray to when I can't find my pencil or don't know what to wear. Francis Chan says in chapter 1: Not being able to fully understand God is frustrating, but it is ridiculous for us to think we have the right to limit God to something we are capable of comprehending! What a stunted, insignificant god that would be!"
God is so amazing. That God.. that amazing God sits on a throne before seven blazing torches, surrounded by the elders saying, "holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come" non stop, day and night. Around the throne looks like a rainbow made of emeralds, and that He looks more like radiant jewels than flesh and blood.
That's the God I serve. But that is also the God I don't have time for because I'm on instagram, or fall asleep watching movies, or because i really don't feel like it. I don't want to get up to go to church and shower and everything..That is so pathetic, selfish and stupid.
I don't deserve to have a relationship with Him. I feel like I don't even deserve to know His name, much less spend eternity with Him. I can talk to this God at any time, yet I take it for granted. I'm so stupid. He is so holy.